Scared Shitless

Day Twenty

I am scared often. It is one of my best motivators.

Fear is my challenge to myself. Will I overcome it? Or will I let it overcome me? That is the decision. There is no third way. There is no truce in this game. Fear lurks in places I didn’t even know it would: at the corners of commitment, within a salmon ready to be broken down, and in the moment before I send an email. It’s an unexpected visitor and a persistent one at that. 

I started Praxis two months ago. Previously, I knew, by a lack of fear, that my life needed a change. I had fallen into patterns and wasn’t able to push myself anymore. Praxis was my kick in the butt. Since the start of the program, I have been afraid more than I like to admit. I have been made to face procrastination, to promote myself, to write and publish, to embrace my skills, to interview with companies that seem far bigger than myself, to take on challenges and stick to my word. 

I have had to learn to take everything and nothing personally. I fall asleep exhausted most nights but with the knowledge that I accomplished today. I was scared and moved through it. I didn’t want to post, record, or promote something and I did.