My Relationship With Myself

Day Twenty-Nine

I looked at the slip of paper. It was an obligatory glance. Perhaps the message wouldn’t be transferred to the tasteless orange cookie until I read it. Then again, I found these strange rituals a bit ridiculous.

But this time was different. I paused, pulled the paper out of the fortune cookie, and flattened it against the table.  

The nine-word message made a crack in the sadness of heartbreak that hung around me. It shook me awake to the fact that it was time to start to get to know myself again. It was simple, obvious, and perfect.

“The most important relationship in life is with yourself”

Relationships have taught me more about myself than I want to admit. But my only “successful” and “positive” interactions have been when my connection with myself is strong. Some see this as me being rather picky. I am when it comes to choosing someone I want to spend my time with. 

How could I possibly commit to someone else, when I haven’t first committed to myself? I have friends who jump from relationship to relationship and wake up one day in their twenties, only to realize they don’t really know themselves. They have always had someone else to define them by. 

It is easy to fall into the comfort of a “we”, as falsely stable as it may be. I learned to understand myself, I had to put effort into it. Being me, wasn’t enough, it took time and energy.  

The fortune remained in the back of my phone for three years. It was swept away by a gust of wind in New Zealand, as I sat atop a hill, my first week of traveling. I had committed to myself. I didn’t need to be reminded of it anymore. I was about to spend a year